needless to say the title says it all.
last night was my first time meeting Lucus. this guy my friend is trying to set me up with. He was super nice and he seemed like he'd be fun to hang around with a get to know. and we shared a few laughs. had some small conversation. he seemed curious as to why i think i would belong in a mental ward and it's simple. i am just simply an extremely dark person who thinks to much. not to mention i have a pretty twisited mind. i blame Freddy Kruger and Chucky as well as R.L.Stine for that factor. so the evening was going fine. i shoved my sister and her friend in my sisters room with a small pizza from Abby's and some soda as well as the magaritas my dad made for them. everything was fine until they got drunk.
then it was constant fighting to keep them in the room and out of the living room. laughing at their pure stupidity while trying not to get angry because they wouldn't go away, having my motherly instincts kick in and me want to keep an eye on them to make sure they didn't do anything stupid. it didn't help that my dad gave them more shots of Jose Qurevo and stronger margaritas which made them more drunk. My sister was freaking over everything..her friend was oddly enough being the more amusing of the two.
finally he left and i literally was relieved because i was so embarrassed by my family. it takes a lot to truly embarrass me. and they did embarrass me last night.
But he said he would like to try another meet and greet and i said i would really like that. although next time i am just going to kick my family out of the house. >>..they can go play in the dog house in the front yard. Needless to say i am very annoyed with my family at this current moment in time. i just can not believe they did that to me...thanks guys..,thanks a lot...
anyways hopefully the next meet and greet will go well. he seems really nice and a lot different then most guys i have met. he seemed like he has a great personality and is a very open person. which i can admire.
Sincerely
Tena
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
thinking is bad for Tena
once again i am reminded that it is a bad thing for myself to be allowed time to think. when i think i tend to over think. it's like i have this horrible bug inside my brain that pushes a big red button every time i start thinking so that my brain goes into hyper thought. it's very hard to shut it off.
today i keep thinking about this future date i have with this guy names Lucus...i am nervous since i have never met the guy. but he sounds so amazing. I'm hoping that this blind date works out. he sounds so sweet and he seems like his head is on his shoulder and not up his ass which would be a nice change of pace from what i am used to. but the more i think about it the more i keep remembering how much i keep screwing up in almost everything.
in the last couple of weeks i just have had the hardest time doing anything right. which is weird because i actually seem to be doing fine at work except for the last couple days. in the last couple days i just kept making one mistake after another and at the start of work yesterday i was so agitated because i kept screwing up. first i didn't clean the fryers correctly the night before and the rotisserie needed cleaned and i had to clean it which hurt like hell because of all the scrubbing, then i didn't have my code so i couldn't do some training that my manager wanted me to get done that day. it got to the point where and half an hour into work i was about ready to cry. all my thoughts of how much of a failure i am just kept popping up and smacking me in the face. full force too.
but then as i stared down at the grease covered bottom of the chicken rotisserie i began to think why i was a failure...what had i done to make myself a failure...i hadn't done anything. i have friends who loved me and treated me like i was important to them...i have a father who loves me so much that he got a 42 inch flat screen for our living room so that we could rearrange the living room together and make our house feel like a home again. i have a little sister who would stand up to god for me if she had to. i have a older sister and one nephew and three nieces who i rarely see but i love to see and love me just as much....and i had a wonderful and beautiful mother who fought to the very end to live so she could be there for me. I wasn't a failure..i was just one person who was doing what every human does. I was taking mistakes as they aren't meant to be taken..i took them as mistakes when i should have been learning from them. i was feeling guilty for being a human and not being perfect.
it's odd how scrubbing a grease and chick fat covered baking oven can make you realize what you are really doing wrong. that saying a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it really became true to me. I realized that i had to think positively otherwise the next six hours of my work day were going to be terrible...so i buckled down and did what i needed to do in order to make sure i learned from my mistakes and didn't leave them as such.
i suppose this also will help me when it comes to school..often times i just tell myself i can't do it or i am not good enough...well guess what world i am good enough!..and i don't need anyone to tell me that and i don't need anyone to make me feel like i am worth something more the shit.. although friendly reminders are nice every once in a while! XD
Hmmm...you know what...i know this Lucus thing is going to work out...and you know why?..because so long as i keep positive then everything will work out. as for all my other problems like my money problems i have learned form those as well. i will be more careful now days.
Hmmm...oh good news. the packers won! they're going to the Super Bowl! my dad is so excited XD he's so cute when he's all excited and jumping up and down and such. silly daddy, well..alright that's about all fomr me for today. thanks for looking into my brain with me.
today i keep thinking about this future date i have with this guy names Lucus...i am nervous since i have never met the guy. but he sounds so amazing. I'm hoping that this blind date works out. he sounds so sweet and he seems like his head is on his shoulder and not up his ass which would be a nice change of pace from what i am used to. but the more i think about it the more i keep remembering how much i keep screwing up in almost everything.
in the last couple of weeks i just have had the hardest time doing anything right. which is weird because i actually seem to be doing fine at work except for the last couple days. in the last couple days i just kept making one mistake after another and at the start of work yesterday i was so agitated because i kept screwing up. first i didn't clean the fryers correctly the night before and the rotisserie needed cleaned and i had to clean it which hurt like hell because of all the scrubbing, then i didn't have my code so i couldn't do some training that my manager wanted me to get done that day. it got to the point where and half an hour into work i was about ready to cry. all my thoughts of how much of a failure i am just kept popping up and smacking me in the face. full force too.
but then as i stared down at the grease covered bottom of the chicken rotisserie i began to think why i was a failure...what had i done to make myself a failure...i hadn't done anything. i have friends who loved me and treated me like i was important to them...i have a father who loves me so much that he got a 42 inch flat screen for our living room so that we could rearrange the living room together and make our house feel like a home again. i have a little sister who would stand up to god for me if she had to. i have a older sister and one nephew and three nieces who i rarely see but i love to see and love me just as much....and i had a wonderful and beautiful mother who fought to the very end to live so she could be there for me. I wasn't a failure..i was just one person who was doing what every human does. I was taking mistakes as they aren't meant to be taken..i took them as mistakes when i should have been learning from them. i was feeling guilty for being a human and not being perfect.
it's odd how scrubbing a grease and chick fat covered baking oven can make you realize what you are really doing wrong. that saying a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it really became true to me. I realized that i had to think positively otherwise the next six hours of my work day were going to be terrible...so i buckled down and did what i needed to do in order to make sure i learned from my mistakes and didn't leave them as such.
i suppose this also will help me when it comes to school..often times i just tell myself i can't do it or i am not good enough...well guess what world i am good enough!..and i don't need anyone to tell me that and i don't need anyone to make me feel like i am worth something more the shit.. although friendly reminders are nice every once in a while! XD
Hmmm...you know what...i know this Lucus thing is going to work out...and you know why?..because so long as i keep positive then everything will work out. as for all my other problems like my money problems i have learned form those as well. i will be more careful now days.
Hmmm...oh good news. the packers won! they're going to the Super Bowl! my dad is so excited XD he's so cute when he's all excited and jumping up and down and such. silly daddy, well..alright that's about all fomr me for today. thanks for looking into my brain with me.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
a day in the life of Tena
here i sit on my bed with my cat at my feet, my laptop where he belongs, on my lap, my stomach growling because once again i have not eaten a thing today and the memories of what the world hold all slamming into me at once. Mostly memories and thoughts of my oldest sister and her kids. whom i love very much.
today my memories consist of my second to youngest niece Boo' Bear as i will refer to her here. even though her birthday wa sin december i am lazily getting ready to attend her 2'o'clock borthday party that is almost a month late. I do not get to see my nieces and nephew very off but i do miss them terribly. I often times remember the fun i had watching them grow up when they lived next door to me.
My Nephew, my little Power Ranger. i remember when he was born. i was seven and my older sister was still living with us because his father was a jerk and she did not want to live with him. i remember i would take him to the side of the house, as soon as he was old enough to pay attention, and i would teach him about the large trees and plants on the side of the house. how to properly tend to a tree and how you should be nice to the plants. then when we moved and he became my neighbor i would play power rangers with him and we would kick the soccer ball back and forth for hours upon hours. we never got tired of playing soccer.
Then there is my Mini me..my first Niece. i don't remember much of her birth...i remember she liked to get into my stuff and would often times ruin my play make-up, which i had probably already ruined. she would often ocme up with crazy stories that never made enough sense to be real. and yet i loved to watch movies with her. she looked just like i did as a small child. straight jet black hair. boyish figure. oh how she had grown up. she had curves like no other and the personality that would kick ass off any jersylicious girl. she has the spirit of a fighter and a lover. she can be both sweet and a pain in the ass at once. she really is my mini me
then there is my boo-bear. she is the hardest to describe. she is a brat and a drama queen and often times i wonder where she gets it from. i blame her father. she stubborn to all hell and will often tease you if for say i want a hug and she'll tease me by not giving me one and hugging everyone else. then when no one is looking she'll sneak me a hug and be that sweet little girl that i remember. where every time i returned home from school she would come running up the driveway screaming my name and leap into my arms to give me a big welcome home hug. how i miss those hugs.
My sweet and beautiful niece i will call an angel. she is truly a blessing. her eyes a bright blue and they hold so much faith in those around her and so much happiness. she is the sweetest and one of the most beautiful baby girls i know. she is also the one i am most conscious around. she has many difficulties do to some mental disabilities and some physical ones as well. but aside form that she is truly a site to behold. she is my Little Leo girl. i am honored to share a zodiac sign with such a beautiful little one.
and finally there is their mother. my older sister. to whom i love and have many memories of growing up. i now days feel bad that as a child my goal in life was to be better then her. to not have kids before i was married or to not get involved with the wrong crowd. I love my older sister and i am so proud of how much she has grown up since my youngest niece was born. she has truly become a women i am proud to call my sister. due to the 12 year age difference we never really got to bond much. i would say i am not extremely close to my oldest sister but as of recently i have grown to admire her for all of her flaws and her perfections
i don't know how this became a description of my oldest sisters family when originally i was speaking of my Boo-Bear but i like how this post turned out.. i don't see them very often so often times the only thing i have left is the memories of them growing up living next door. to this day it is almost depressing when i walk down the driveway and i don';t hear my name screamed for all the world to hear as i receive a wonderful hug. i hope today i shall receive such a hug from my little Boo-bear. for that single hug was something i took for granted and i miss terribly.
Sincerely- tena
today my memories consist of my second to youngest niece Boo' Bear as i will refer to her here. even though her birthday wa sin december i am lazily getting ready to attend her 2'o'clock borthday party that is almost a month late. I do not get to see my nieces and nephew very off but i do miss them terribly. I often times remember the fun i had watching them grow up when they lived next door to me.
My Nephew, my little Power Ranger. i remember when he was born. i was seven and my older sister was still living with us because his father was a jerk and she did not want to live with him. i remember i would take him to the side of the house, as soon as he was old enough to pay attention, and i would teach him about the large trees and plants on the side of the house. how to properly tend to a tree and how you should be nice to the plants. then when we moved and he became my neighbor i would play power rangers with him and we would kick the soccer ball back and forth for hours upon hours. we never got tired of playing soccer.
Then there is my Mini me..my first Niece. i don't remember much of her birth...i remember she liked to get into my stuff and would often times ruin my play make-up, which i had probably already ruined. she would often ocme up with crazy stories that never made enough sense to be real. and yet i loved to watch movies with her. she looked just like i did as a small child. straight jet black hair. boyish figure. oh how she had grown up. she had curves like no other and the personality that would kick ass off any jersylicious girl. she has the spirit of a fighter and a lover. she can be both sweet and a pain in the ass at once. she really is my mini me
then there is my boo-bear. she is the hardest to describe. she is a brat and a drama queen and often times i wonder where she gets it from. i blame her father. she stubborn to all hell and will often tease you if for say i want a hug and she'll tease me by not giving me one and hugging everyone else. then when no one is looking she'll sneak me a hug and be that sweet little girl that i remember. where every time i returned home from school she would come running up the driveway screaming my name and leap into my arms to give me a big welcome home hug. how i miss those hugs.
My sweet and beautiful niece i will call an angel. she is truly a blessing. her eyes a bright blue and they hold so much faith in those around her and so much happiness. she is the sweetest and one of the most beautiful baby girls i know. she is also the one i am most conscious around. she has many difficulties do to some mental disabilities and some physical ones as well. but aside form that she is truly a site to behold. she is my Little Leo girl. i am honored to share a zodiac sign with such a beautiful little one.
and finally there is their mother. my older sister. to whom i love and have many memories of growing up. i now days feel bad that as a child my goal in life was to be better then her. to not have kids before i was married or to not get involved with the wrong crowd. I love my older sister and i am so proud of how much she has grown up since my youngest niece was born. she has truly become a women i am proud to call my sister. due to the 12 year age difference we never really got to bond much. i would say i am not extremely close to my oldest sister but as of recently i have grown to admire her for all of her flaws and her perfections
i don't know how this became a description of my oldest sisters family when originally i was speaking of my Boo-Bear but i like how this post turned out.. i don't see them very often so often times the only thing i have left is the memories of them growing up living next door. to this day it is almost depressing when i walk down the driveway and i don';t hear my name screamed for all the world to hear as i receive a wonderful hug. i hope today i shall receive such a hug from my little Boo-bear. for that single hug was something i took for granted and i miss terribly.
Sincerely- tena
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Oh Me Oh My
Well here i am for all the world to see,
Here I wear no mask and I hold no lies
Here I am honest and true to only you few
would you accept me as i shall accept you?
My Name is Tena. which is short of Utena. if you know where that name comes form i shall give you a virtual cookie. I am a normal average college student with a job and trying to make in this judgmental and horrible place we call the earth. The earth holds many beauties but can also hold many things that are painful and hard. I like most people am just a person who has the normal struggles that everyone has to go through. things such as: Grief, Heartache, Betrayal, the Lose of Loved Ones and many other things.
I have come to realize that i tend to bottle up tons of my emotions and i often times to not share them with others. this is a good way for my friends to know what is going on with me and how i am doing on the inside. as i said earlier in here i wear no mask and i hold no lies.
basic low down of my life, My mother passed about a year ago, i live with my father and my little sister, i have a few good friends of whom i love and adore. without my close friends and my family i do not believe i would be the way i am today. i believe that without them i would be in a dark pit of nothingness.
i also believe that life is not life without heartache and challeneges. this results in things such as losing friends, betrayal and heartache to and extreme. but through such trials we become stronger and better of a person.
please enjoy your journey through my melancholy of a life and welcome to my world.
Here I wear no mask and I hold no lies
Here I am honest and true to only you few
would you accept me as i shall accept you?
My Name is Tena. which is short of Utena. if you know where that name comes form i shall give you a virtual cookie. I am a normal average college student with a job and trying to make in this judgmental and horrible place we call the earth. The earth holds many beauties but can also hold many things that are painful and hard. I like most people am just a person who has the normal struggles that everyone has to go through. things such as: Grief, Heartache, Betrayal, the Lose of Loved Ones and many other things.
I have come to realize that i tend to bottle up tons of my emotions and i often times to not share them with others. this is a good way for my friends to know what is going on with me and how i am doing on the inside. as i said earlier in here i wear no mask and i hold no lies.
basic low down of my life, My mother passed about a year ago, i live with my father and my little sister, i have a few good friends of whom i love and adore. without my close friends and my family i do not believe i would be the way i am today. i believe that without them i would be in a dark pit of nothingness.
i also believe that life is not life without heartache and challeneges. this results in things such as losing friends, betrayal and heartache to and extreme. but through such trials we become stronger and better of a person.
please enjoy your journey through my melancholy of a life and welcome to my world.
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